British
Columbia
Spud had traveled to
B.C. many times in the past, but never managed to get any photos as it
seemed to always be raining. The gods showed pity though, when he ventured
there in March of 1998. His favourite place to visit in the past was Vancouver's
Gastown. It's vast array of quirky shops huddling along a cobblestone
street was a magnet for tourists and they don't come more 'tacky' than
the Spudster! He seized the opportunity to pose alongside a statue of
the founder of this area, Gassy Jack, who got his name from the large
baked bean empire that he owned in Wisconsin.
Another
big draw for tourists located just north of the city is the Capilano Suspension
Bridge that spans a gorge above the river of the same name. Spud was shocked
to find that there was an admission charge (a fairly hefty one at that!)
just to get in and see it! Being the cheap potato that he is, he slipped
beneath the turnstile when the gate keeper was distracted and hustled
to the bridge for a quick look. Yep, it was definitely a bridge…
Less than impressed, he snapped a quick photo to remind himself that he
had 'been there..done that'
Vancouver's
proximity to the Pacific Ocean is a mecca for boaters of all types. Spud
is an avid paddler at home in Ontario, but here in the big water he wanted
more of a challenge - sailing! It took almost 3 hours and a case of scotch
to convince one of the local skippers to cough up his boat for a few hours,
but Spud prevailed! Manning the helm (which is a helluva task when you
weigh less than a pound and measure only 7 1/2" tall!) he took to
the seas of the Juan de Fuca strait in a 25 foot yacht. After 2 hours
of chasing killer whales, he returned with only 4 holes in the bow and
a foot and a half missing off the keel.
Spud
saved the highlight of his trip for last; visiting a Big House where the
wondrous totem poles are released from their wood encasements by northern
Indian tribes. From these great artisans, the potato learned of the ancestry
and mystery that surrounds each of these incredible works.
Stanley
Park in Vancouver is home to a group of many of these totems and Spud
went there to hear 'the spirits talk'. There was a deaf calm over the
area when he arrived. Because of his lack of ears, his hearing was not
the best. To contend with this impairment, he moved closer to the wooden
sentinels to listen for the 'spirits' the Indians spoke of. Still nothing…
Closer and closer he moved until he was inches away from the mouth of
one of the great figures. It proved to be too close..
The
massive monolith snapped out and thrust Spud into it's jowls. Completely
stunned, the plastic orb scrambled to break free of the death grasp the
totem had. Wriggling and writhing, Spud desperately tried to escape as
the menacing figure continued to ingest him. Still grasping his camera,
Spud managed to blind the totem with its flash. The shock of the intense
light caused the figure to loosen his grip and out Spud fell to the ground.
Scurrying away as fast as his plastic feet could carry him, the potato
fled for the airport. His love for totem poles was long gone…