The Rustlin' Russet
Spud made his annual pilgrimage back to Arizona in January of 2001. While sitting in a saloon with some locals in Old Tucson, the tuber overheard some wranglers talking of the problems they were having on their ranch.
It seems that their cattle were behaving erratically and would stampede away from the ranch hands whenever they came near. Intrigued by this strange behaviour, Spud secretly went out to the area to see for himself.
True enough, when Spud arrived at the huge acreage, the large herd of cattle were pacing back and forth in a frenzied state. The tater approached the group and asked a few of the herefords what was wrong. They told Spud that they had found out about the cull that was happening in the UK and they feared that the same would be happening to them. They went on to tell the tuber that one of the steers (whom they called Crazy Cody) liked to snort water up his nose. They figured that if the cowboys saw him doing this crazy stunt, they would think all of them were mad.
Seeing the logic in what the herd was saying, Spud convinced the cattle to form a union to demand their rights. Within hours the tuber had the herefords organized into a massive protest and picketing the ranchhouse.
Unable to leave the grounds for fear of trampling, the wranglers found themselves forced to sit down at the bargaining table with the tuber and the stock to hammer out an agreement in job security. After a few hours of hard bargaining a deal was struck and the cattle were assured the cull would not effect them. They also managed to work in a clause to allow them satellite television and a yearly subscription to Cowsmopolitan.
The next day Spud headed back into Old Tucson to get some breakfast when he noticed a sign posted on the wall outside of the post office. He was shocked to find it was a WANTED sign for him organizing the cattle into the protest the day before. A $1000 reward had been levied on his head to anyone who could capture the potato.
Soon there were bullets flying in every direction! Spud jumped to safety behind some sagebrush, then scurried off into the shadows and toward the far end of town...his pursuers close behind.
At the edge of town, Spud passed by the Undertaker's and noticed the new line of 2001 model coffins on the showroom porch. The tuber shrieked when he noticed a small potato sack next to one of the pine boxes.
Suddenly another shot rang out, almost scalloping the potato. Moments later, the posse had surrounded him and it looked like there was no way out.
The little carbohydrate wasn't about to be turned into hash browns just yet! The tuber lurched at the group's leader and proceeded to pummel him with bacon bits. He reached into the back of his head for some butter pats and forced them into the bounty hunter's ears. In a split second, chopped onions were rubbed into his eyes and soon the man was screaming for mercy. The rest of the posse looked on in terror as the potato asked who was next. Riddled with fear, the gunslingers turn and fled.
This battle won, Spud couldn't help but think that there would only be more as long as there was a price on his head. His only escape was to leave town.