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The push for the summit
Early
the next morning Spud and the remaining climbers began the long climb
to the summit. Along the way, there would be many objective hazards to
deal with. The first came when the team was crossing the crevasse-ruptured
Cowlitz Glacier. The dry, hot summer had badly mutilated the ice and huge
gaping cracks were everywhere. Although the team was very cautious in
determining a safe passage across the icefield, the lead guide fell through
a snow bridge and into the great gaping mouth of a crevasse. Spud dove
to the ground and quickly arrested the man's fall. He then proceeded to
anchor himself and set up a complex z-pulley system to extract the dazed
climber from the jaws of the ice.
The rest of the rope team looked on in awe as the tater took command of
the dangerous situation. Suffering from hypoxia, the guide was unable
to continue and asked Spud if he was up to guiding the rest of the team
toward the summit. Brimming with confidence, the tater agreed and began
finding a new route across the glacier.
With topo
map in one hand and a compass in the other, the potato carefully studied
the harsh landscape, and then began to lead the team through the dangerous
labyrinth of crystal chasms.
As the team crossed
the Cowlitz Glacier and through the scree moraine of Cadaver Gap, the
weather rapidly turned a brilliant cobalt blue sky to one smothered by
ominous, snow-filled clouds. The potato had to quicken the pace of the
team if there was to be any chance at reaching the summit.
While
crossing the even larger Ingraham Glacier, in virtually blinding whiteout
conditions, members of Spud's rope team began to give up one by one; surrendering
to the toils of exhaustion. Fortunately for Spud, he had no internal organs
to exhaust, and his extra thick peel served well to protect him from the
biting cold wind.
After
traversing the mammoth Ingraham, the potato began the treacherous ascent
up the steep rock face of Disappointment Cleaver. The tension on his rope
was light, as he found that he was the only one tied into it. His team
members had all submitted to defeat.
Undaunted, the potato
laboured up the rocky crag and battled the fierce gales of blowing snow.
At the top of the cleaver, Spud realized that he had no feeling in his
nose or in his feet. A feeling of dread and panic overwhelmed him as he
thought that he had suffered severe frostbite. Reality set in a few moments
later when he remembered that his nose and feet were plastic and thus,
had no nerve endings.
Relieved
by his realization, the tuber scampered up the steep traverse of the final
2100 feet and to the summit of the 14411 foot giant of the Cascades. Planting
his flag to signify his achievement, the tuber planned to celebrate the
moment by sucking back a can of Rainier beer. Unfortunately, the intense
cold had frozen the can as solid as a hunk of granite, which coincidentally,
does have about as much taste as the beer anyway.

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