Spud was researching
quantum mechanics one day at home when his phone rang. On the line was
a person who identified themselves as the Mayor of Blackfoot, Idaho.
Spud was perplexed why the mayor of a small farm town would be calling
him, but listened to what the official had to say.
The man told Spud
that Blackfoot was known as the potato capital of the USA. Knowing that
Spud was a well known celebrity and world ambassador for potatoes, he
invited the tater to come visit his town as they wanted to bestow him
with a great honour.
The potato was humbled
that they wanted to honour him especially given that he was a PEI potato,
normally a major competitor to the Idahoan grown tatos. Spud shyly accepted
the gracious invitation and within days, was on his way to Idaho.
Upon arriving in
the small farm town, he was greeted by the mayor who gave Spud a 'key
to the city' (which looked a lot like a locker key from a bowling alley)
and shook his hand vigorously; a small patch of frothy saliva forming
in the corner of his mouth.
The mayor drove
Spud to a building in town identified as the Idaho
Potato Museum and quickly ushered him inside. Amidst the rush,
Spud caught a glimpse out of the corner of his eye what appeared to
be a giant potato carcass outside seeping butter all over the lawn.
The mayor aggressively
urged Spud into the building where the tater assumed the ceremony would
take place. Soon after crossing over the threshold of the entrance,
the potato was grabbed from behind and a rag, soaked in chloroform was
stuffed over his mouth and nose. Reality slipped away and soon the potato
What seemed like
hours, perhaps days later, Spud slowly started to come to when he felt
the shiver of cold metal on his backside. His eyelids heavy, eyes watery...the
world seemed to be rocking back and forth. The tater's eyes dried enough
to look above him, noticing a round dial with numbers and a single hand.
Spud shifted to get a better look and in doing so, the needle jumped
erratically. Spud realized he was rocking in the basket of a weigh scale.
Just then, a giant
hand appeared, eclipsing the light overhead as it reached for the tuber.
The fingers clasped around the potato's head as it lifted him off the
scale. Moments later he found himself airborne - landing on a sharp
bed of blades...
the potato bellowed
The cobwebs in his
head immediately cleared as the tato realized he had been tossed on
to an industrial potato cutter. "WTF is going on?!?" the carbohydrate
The tater climbed
out of the cutter moments before being turned into home fries. Still
reeling from the pain of his wounds, the tato rolled under a machine
and out of sight from the 'giant hand'
Spud escaped into
an adjacent room where he was met be a veritable army of mashers; fortunately
kept at bay encased behind glass. The potato was convinced he had entered
His fear was confirmed
when he saw an enormous potato chip in a display case. There was no
award or accolade waiting for Spud - these whack-jobs wanted to turn
Spud into the world's largest (and tastiest!) Pringle!!!
Well that wasn't
going to happen! The tater slipped out the mail chute and over to the
mayor's car. The potato stuffed the tail pipe and gas tank with scallions
& bacon bits before hitching a ride on a tractor trailer headed
out of town.
to Spud's Story
me more travels in the USA!
me more travels!