Spud was traveling
through southern New Mexico in 2006 with a few stops noted on his itinerary.
His first stop would be to explore the rolling white dunes of White
Sands National Monument. Spud has been a
big fan of sand for years and the unique white sand in this remote
area was especially photogenic.
Being so remote
however, meant that the US Military would also use the area for testing
missiles, which made the potato more than a little nervous. The idea
of 'testing' explosive warheads usually meant having them land and explode,
so it was probably not a great idea to have a family picnic there.
main point of interest on his itinerary was to visit The
Shrine of the Holy Tortilla in the tiny hamlet of Lake Arthur.
It was October of 1977 when Maria Rubio was preparing breakfast for
her husband when she had a 'sign from above'. As she flipped her husband's
tortilla in her skillet, the burn marks resembled the face of Jesus.
Her discovery, led to a phenomenon attracting pilgrimages of believers
the world over to pay their respects to Mr. Rubio's breakfast.
Spud had experienced
a similar event one year when making a grilled cheese sandwich. Scorch
marks from his fry pan left an image eerily resembling Pedro, the potato's
plumber. Sadly, Pedro didn't have the same appeal as Jesus.
The potato arrived
on Maria's stoop to pay his respects and see the immortal tortilla.
He was greeted by the elderly lady who sadly informed the tuber that
the holy flatbread had taken a turn for the worse. Apparently, her grandson
took the almighty, pressed behind glass in a dollar-store frame, to
school for show & tell and dropped him enroute. The fragile forty
year old flatbread shattered into shards and crumbs.
Having come for
spiritual guidance and perhaps learn the meaning of life, sadly looking
at the broken tortilla, it only inspired him to go to the local sports
bar for a plate of nachos.
While in the local
tavern, Spud asked one of the locals if there were any interesting sights
to see in the area. The grizzly patron listed off a few; emphasizing
one sight in particular - the mysterious VLA
The VLA (Very Large
Array), is a radio astronomy observatory on the plains of St. Augustin.
Consisting of 27 enormous independent antennae that move along rails,
the grouping can be configured to observe distant galaxies and black
holes. Although scientists and astronomers won't admit it, the VLA can
also be used as an astronomical cell phone to contact extraterrestrials
from other planets.
New Mexico has a
history of being a hotbed for aliens, and not just the border jumpers
from Mexico. Many believe it is
the draw of the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta,
however they more likely come for Heisenberg's Blue Meth and Los Pollos
was able to bribe one of the guards at the VLA to release some inside
information about the site's activities. While the guard didn't disclose
much, he did elude that some ETs had crashed their spacecraft near the
town of Roswell recently, and their bodies were being studied in that
area, somewhere in a secret bunker. Intrigued, the potato set off to
find the corpses
This was not the
first time that aliens had crashed near Roswell. In 1995, a truckload
of illegal aliens from Honduras crashed into a Whataburger and before
that in the 1940s aliens from another galaxy smashed their saucer a
short distance from town in a farmer's field. The government tried to
cover up both incidents.
Once Spud arrived
in Roswell he began asking around to gain clues to the hidden bunker.
A visit to another tavern found a rather boisterous schizophrenic drunkard
in the corner that was screaming about a cover up. Spud was eager to
hear the man out.
A shot of Jack Daniels was all that was needed to get the stories started.
The man told Spud
of a major local cover-up involving the government and home video game
pioneer Atari. The conspiracy theorist continued, stating that back
in the early 1980s, Atari struck a deal with director Steven Spielberg
to develop the video game E.T. based on his blockbuster movie and to
be cross promoted with the release of the movie in 1983. In anticipation
of massive sales, Atari manufactured a whopping 12 million game cartridges;
despite having only sold 10 million game consoles up until that time.
When the game was
released, it proved to be both buggy & boring and sales stopped
rapidly at about 1.5 million once the word got out. Having over 10 million
extra cartridges on hand, Atari didn't want to let the public know of
its failure, so it set out to quietly
dispose of the disastrous campaign. Senior officials worked out
a deal with the mayor of the town of Alamogordo to bury the cartridges
in a hole outside of the town where the government had a special bunker
to cover up. It was that bunker that Spud believed was where the aliens
were being studied.
After Spud made
his way to Alamogordo, he greased a few palms and found his way to the
unnatural landfill. Renting a trackhoe, he began digging. It wasn't
long before he hit metal; the corner of a bunker. Clearing away the
edges, he soon discovered it had an entranceway through a dumpster.
The tato slipped inside...
A number of dimly
lit corridors intertwined inside the bunker. The shivering of a fluorescent
lamp at the end of a hallway beckoned the potato. The light illuminated
what appeared to be an operating room with several figures splayed out
on stainless steel tables. He had found the extra-terrestrial crash
Medical charts lay
nearby which Spud examined. The recent autopsy and toxicology tests
ruled that the aliens had been flying under the influence when they
crashed & apparently the saucer didn't have airbags.
to Spud's Story
me more travels in New Mexico
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